The inner child is the part of us which is unhealed from emotional wounds and traumas caused in our childhood.   The inner child never goes away and lives in our unconscious mind.   It is our inner child that influences how we live our lives and our emotional wellbeing.  In todays blog, I will share with you ‘ 5 ways to heal your inner child’.

Now that you are an adult, you may think you have forgotten or released the emotional wounds from your past.  However, if they keep recurring in your life, it is a sure sign that your inner child is still hurting.   The adult may forget, but the child may still be running on old coping mechanisms and false beliefs.

The truth is that we are all little kids in adult bodies, often still trying to get our needs met.  This can lead to “adult” temper tantrums, feeling not good enough, people pleasing, anxiety and repeating old negative patterns of behaviour.

Like all children, your inner child is seeking your love, approval, acceptance and understanding.  When heal your inner child,  validate and acknowledge them and fulfil their needs, you are re-parenting them with a new set of healthy beliefs.   When your inner child heals, you will be healed.

5 ways to heal your inner child

1) Take time to connect with your Inner Child

Most of us have ignored our inner child and have never learned to connect with them.  We have beat them up, criticised them and disregarded their feelings.  Therefore, the first step to heal your beautiful  inner child is to build up trust by gently introducing yourself.   This can take a few weeks.  The key is to gently start to connect and chat to your little one.   At first, your inner child may totally ignore you as they are scared or don’t feel safe.    The key is not to overwhelm your inner child but gentle consistency is key.  Go at your inner child’s pace – not your own!

2)  Acknowledge their feelings

When you feel hurt, triggered, upset or angry, this is your inner child reacting.    What ever situation has caused your inner child to trigger is just a familiar feeling from the past that they are reacting to.     When your inner child is triggered, gently acknowledge the feeling.  Don’t judge or try and justify why they feel the way they do.   Listen to your inner child without judgement.

3) Validate their feelings.

Many of us did not get our feelings validated as a child.  Therefore, it is so important to validate your inner child’s feelings.  Do not try and rationalise with them yet.   Tell them ‘ I understand why you feel like that ‘ or ‘ That must have been really difficult for you‘.    Don’t miss out this important validation step as it can really be the first step to healing.

4) Tell them you understand and you are listening.

How nice would it have been when you were growing up  to have someone tell you they understand how you feel?  Just letting your inner know that you are paying attention to them and you understand how they feel can be a huge step.  Many of us felt misunderstood, not heard or not seen as a child so you inner child will appreciate you listening to them.

5) Re – Educate

This is an important step where your ‘ wise inner adult’ can re-parent your child.     The inner adult can literally re-program your inner child’s distorted beliefs and re-educate them with new updated programming.   However, make sure you inner adult has the correct knowledge to educate your inner child.   For example,  if your inner child is scared to speak up for itself for fear of being hurt,  the inner adult should:

  1. Tell the inner child that it is safe to speak up and healthy
  2. Let the inner child know that you will protect them if things don’t go well
  3. Inform your inner child of the importance of speaking up about how they feel
  4. The inner adult must support and encourage the child to speak up.


Inner child coaching is one of the most transformational and healing processes.  It is often our wounded inner child that may not believe they can have their needs met, that life can go well for them or they are good enough or deserving of real love.

It can take time but an experienced therapist can help you hone in what you inner child really needs from you.  Once healing takes place,  childhood fears will be released and I promise, you will feel so much better!

Would you like a free copy of my ‘ 50 Ways to Soothe Your Inner Child’ book.   It is totally free!  Yes, I would like a copy of your free e-book! 

Inner Child Coaching with Lisa Phillips

Award winning Life Coach Lisa Phillips has been supporting her clients with inner child coaching for over 20 years. She is the author of ‘ The Confidence Coach‘ book and has won several international awards for her leading edge life coaching techniques.   Why not contact Lisa today for a no-obligation chat?