Do you find yourself picking unsuitable partners and chasing love from other people? Are you always on the look out for someone to love you in order to fill an empty void inside of you? Do you feel that if you ‘get someone to love you’ that you are actually worthy and loveable?
In this weeks blog, I would like to explain why so many of us chase love and I will also share my top 10 tips to heal from the inside out.
Why do we chase love?
As children we need a healthy amount of love and approval from our care takers. However, if we don’t receive healthy or sufficient love as a child, we may end up as adults, chasing all sorts of people to try and get them to love and approve of us.
It actually can be a little like an addiction, as we desperately , chase our ‘fix of love’. It can feel like a huge void inside of us that we so desperately need to fill at all cost.
The problem is that we don’t feel good abut ourselves until we receive our fix. This often results in feelings of neediness and turning ourselves inside out in order to get love. In our quest for love, we may ignore our own needs, lie to ourselves, chase people who don’t chase us back or end up picking unhealthy partners.
Are you chasing love?
When we chase love, we are looking for somebody outside or external to us to make us feel loved and loveable.
This never works as we can’t ever rely on other people to fill this void. When you keep looking for someone who will make you feel loveable, whole and good enough all you will attract is other partners who don’t love you either!
Even if you do meet a good partner, it’s just like sticking a plaster over your ‘ unlovable’ wound and it won’t take long before you hold them responsible for your good feelings or become needy and insecure.
The truth is that life is really like a mirror. If you truly want to experience deep fulfilling love for yourself, you must first find that inner love of YOU first.
How do you find inner love?
By understanding that you were born loveable and that we all deserve love . Ok, we may not have got the love that we deserved from our early care givers but that says more about them than us. If this happened to you, it doesn’t not make it mean that you are now unworthy of being loved.
Despite what you have may been lead to believe, you are already loved and loveable. No amount of negative programming can take this away from you. It is who you really are.
10 Tips to stop Chasing Love
1.Sit in the emotion of LOVE, Being adored, cared for etc . Find the emotion of love in your own body.
2.Connect with your inner child
3.Re- parent your inner child – keep connecting with him / her on a daily basis . Tell her how much you love her, how special he or she is.
4. Write a new Story – Write down how your new life filled with love would FEEL
5. Start a Self Love Journal
6. Give yourself regular self praise
7. When you get triggered and feel like chasing love, give yourself more love . Soothe and encourage yourself.
8. Work on your own self esteem, boundaries and get clear on what healthy relationships are
9. Identify your needs and wants in relationships
10. Don’t settle for second best. You deserve healthy reciprocal love.
Award Winning Life Coach and Confidence Coach.
Formally based in Sydney, Australia, Lisa Phillips is an award wining Life Coach, author, guest speaker and confidence expert. Lisa works with people all over the world providing face to face and online Life Coaching sessions.
The Northamptonshire based Life Coach is the author of ‘ The Confidence Coach’ book and the Confidence expert on The Love Destination.