Today I would like to dispel a few confidence myths! Unfortunately, Society has led us to believe that in order to be a confident person, you have to be an extrovert or the type of person who is always assertive or the life and soul of the party.
The good news is that this simply isn’t the case – it is just a confidence myth! Confidence actually means different things for different people and you could very well be an introvert with bags of confidence. For some people Confidence could mean feeling comfortable enough to speak up in a large group of people, but for others it could be saying No to that demanding family member or simply asking for someone to help us out when we may need an extra bit of support. To find out what confidence means to you, you need to tune into your own confidence preferences. Why not try writing down a few areas of your life where you would like to feel more confident or maybe it is in a specific situation at work or when communicating with a certain person.
Remember, it is never too late to build up your confidence muscle and look and feel like a more confident person. Why not try of these tips for confidence!
1) What stops confidence?
So why do so many of us struggle with our self esteem and confidence? In my opinion, there are two main areas that can affect our levels of personal confidence.
The first is our negative belief system. We all have a belief system inside of us which holds a mixture of positive and negative beliefs. Unfortunately, through our background and experiences many of us have been led to believe that we have something wrong with us, we are not good enough or are lacking in some way compared to other people. These negative beliefs can really prevent us from feeling good about ourselves and feeling confident.
The second area that can prevent us feeling confident is our fears. We often feel that we will upset other people around us if we act in a confident or assertive way or that we will feel guilty if we turn down another person’s request or say No to them. Many of us have become expert people pleasers as we prefer to make other people happy than making ourselves happy!
On a final thought, have you ever though that when you say Yes to other people, you could be saying No to your own self care?
2) Please yourself
Come on, own up, are you a people pleaser? Do you turn yourself inside out to please other people or spend you days running around keeping other people happy? Are you always worried about what people think of you or if they like you as a person? If so, you probably have the disease to please. Of course, it is a lovely thing to care about other people and help them out, but many of us are so busy pleasing other people, that we simply don’t have the time or energy to please ourselves! In fact, we often run ourselves to the ground rather than take the time to look after our own needs which can then lead to us feeling resentful. If you have the disease to please, it may be time to prioritise yourself a little more. Why not write a list of 10 things that make you happy and please yourself rather than running around pleasing others or check out my People Pleasing course on The Love Destination.
Also, set yourself a target this week to say No to someone’s request of you rather than always saying Yes.
Looking after your own emotional needs is a great way to build up your confidence from the inside out and also give your body and mind some well deserved nourishment.
3) Worrying what other think
Come on, own up, are you always worrying about what people think of you? Yes, we all do it some of the time but when you start to do it regularly, it can really affect your confidence and self esteem.
Many of us are always worrying how other view us, we worry that they won’t like us, or don’t agree with how we are living our lives. We often worry unnecessarily about how other people are judging us. Many of us even worry about what complete strangers think of us!
The real truth is that most of the time, people are not judging us anyway – they are far too busy with their own lives. Our minds play tricks on us – it is as if we think we are mind readers or have a crystal ball reading into other peoples thoughts.
At the end of the day, ask yourself does it really matter if someone doesn’t approve of you or doesn’t like you? No, it really doesn’t as what is far more important is what you think of you! Accept that there will always be people in your life that may not agree or approve of you – and that is perfectly ok! Remember, It is your life, so choose to approve and believe in yourself, rather than worrying what other people think.
4) Like and Praise Yourself
When was the last time you said something nice about yourself? When was the last time you finished your day and gave yourself a well deserved pat on the back? In truth, most of us start our day looking in the mirror and saying lots of not so nice things about ourselves but rarely take the time to say something pleasant to ourselves!
We can find it difficult to be nice to ourselves, as we may often feel like we don’t deserve it or that it is selfish in some way.
Learning to like yourself and praise yourself is key if you want to increase your confidence and self esteem. If we want to feel good about ourselves, we have to start to become our own best friend, rather than our own worst enemy.
Before you go to bed this week, why not get a journal and write down something nice about yourself? It doesn’t have to be something huge, it could be that you got the kids off to school or finished a day at work. Self praise really boosts your confidence muscle while criticising yourself breaks it down.
Remember, you do deserve some of your own kindness and attention.