When you feel defensive,   a past memory or wound is being triggered inside your emotional body.    The more defensive you feel, the bigger the wound.   We get defensive when someone pushes a hot button or touches on something negative we we believe about ourselves.

Let’s say I call you a Pink Giraffe.   The chances are that you won’t be triggered.   This is because no hot button has been pressed in your body.   You know that you are not a Pink Giraffe!  

However,  what if I told that you had made a mistake or you had disappointed someone? Would you feel defensive or would you just let my words go over your head?

Emotional Responses.

If you felt an emotional response ,  my words will have  triggered an familiar emotion inside of you. Your hot button will have been pressed but you may be unaware of why.     Everyone’s response has a different meaning but it could mean you have unresolved issues relating to making mistakes or feeling that someone is disappointed in you.

Example – Joanne

Joanne is a Life Coaching client of mine in Corby.   She always feels defensive when someone criticises her.   As a result, she gets aggressive and often walks away slamming the door behind her. When criticised, Joanne feels triggered and she is unable to regulate her emotions.       Joanne takes any criticism personally and see’s it as as a sign of others’ belief in her abilities.

This trigger is as a result of Joanne being constantly criticised as a small child.  Joanne often felt shamed or punished by her parents.  As a result the inner child takes over and she feels defensive.  Sadly, your childhood history has a lot to do with how you respond to criticism.   The inner child is in charge again!

Healing our Triggers

Feeling defensive is not always a bad thing!  I can be a reminder to be assertive or set a boundary with someone. However, if you are constantly feeling defensive with your  friends,   boss,  or  partner it sends a message that you are unable to regulate your own emotions.

In order to heal our defensiveness, we must heal the triggers.  I do this work regularly in my Life Coaching practice often using inner child therapy.   Why not contact me today so I can help you heal your defensiveness and regulate your emotions?

Currently the Life Coaching expert on The Love Destination TV,   Lisa Phillips is an award winning Confidence Coach and Life Coach.   Formally based in Sydney, Australia,   Lisa is now based in Northamptonshire.

She offers face to face Life Coaching and Zoom.    Check out Lisa’s Life Coaching Testimonials. 

For more information,  please see www.amazingcoaching.co.uk.