Rejection and abandonment hurts. It triggers our deep emotional wounds of feeling excluded, not belonging, left out and unworthy. However, who really does the deed of rejection or abandonment? Is it other people, or is it you?
Case Study – Rejected Adam
Adams’ partner ends their relationship, and he understandably feels rejected, hurt, abandoned and betrayed. He keeps asking himself ‘ What have I done wrong’ and his self-talk is extremely critical. Adam feels that he is not good enough. Adam feels so upset that he reactively contacts his girlfriend and tries to convince her that he will change and that they should get back together.
Sound familiar?
Rejection and Abandonment of Self
In the above case study, Adam has rejected himself through his critical self-talk. In addition, he has probably abandoned his own needs and wants by reactively promising his partner that he will change.
The truth is:
- When we are trying to please someone, we may abandon our own needs.
- When we are scared of speaking up, we abandon ourselves and our point of view
- When we fail to back ourselves, we abandon ourselves
- When we criticise ourselves, we reject the self
- When we are people pleasers, we reject our needs and abandon our self.
At its core, self-abandonment typically arises from a lack of self-trust. We simply don’t trust how we are feeling. We also turn upon ourselves, rejecting who we really are.
Case Study – Healthy Adam.
Adam is rejected by his girlfriend, and she ends the relationship. He understandably feels hurt, betrayed and lost. However, he accepts that these emotions are all normal. Rather that criticise himself, Adam soothes and encourages his hurt inner child. He accepts that not every relationship will work out and no relationship is permanent. He supports himself emotionally and has his own back.
Adam also does some healing work on himself to identify what this relationship has showed him. He identifies the mirror in this relationship and uses this ‘ data’ to heal himself. Adam manifests the next great relationship! Throughout the breakup, he does not reject nor abandon himself.
The Law of Attraction
If you find yourself re-living patterns in your life where you feel abandoned and rejected, this is a mirror of your own abandonment and rejection of self.
Try these tips the next time you feel rejected or abandoned:
- When you experience any negative emotion, support yourself. Soothe and encourage yourself as if you are a small child.
- Honour your own needs and wants. Notice when you abandon yourself in favour of other people’s opinions or beliefs.
- Ensure your self talk is filled with compassion for yourself, regardless of what is happening in your life. Support yourself rather than criticise yourself.
Lisa Phillips, Confidence Coach and guest speaker
With over 23 years’ experience, Lisa Phillips is a multi-award-winning Confidence Coach and author. Lisa is an inspirational Confidence and wellbeing speaker. She is the current Confidence expert on The Love Destination.
To book Lisa to speak at your event, please contact her for a no-obligation chat.
