Inner Child healing or inner child therapy is a key aspect of my Life Coaching practice. It really is a gentle and beautiful way to bring healing to so many of my clients.
In this weeks Amazing Coaching blog, I will share some examples of inner child healing. The examples illustrate how our wounded inner child can become so influential in our adult lives – leaving us feeling stuck, frustrated and unable to move forward.
For the purpose of the blog, I have simplified the process. However, it is important to remember that as a child, our brain is like a sponge and we believe everything we hear. Our rational brain may not have fully developed. As a result, we often blame ourselves for things that happen in the family unit.
Examples of Inner Child Healing 1
Laura came to me for Life Coaching sessions as she was unable to say No to other people. She avoided conflict at all cost. She also felt very frustrated with herself that she felt unable to stand up for herself.
In doing Inner Child Therapy , we discovered that during childhood, Laura was often told to just be a ‘ good girl’. If she complied, she would receive love and praise from her parents. However, If she disagreed with her parents, they would withdraw their love or punish her in some way. Laura’s coping mechanism a child was to become compliant – Be seen and not heard! This coping mechanism is so common in early childhood as we need love to survive!
The Inner Child is in Charge!
As a result of this, even as an adult, Laura was stuck in this pattern. Her inner child was running the show! As an adult, Laura recognised in her brain she had the right to speak up and say No to other people, her inner child would not let her move forward. It was just too scary for a child.
However, by using a simple process that I have designed ( Validate, Educate and Play) we were able to support Laura’s inner child to feel safe to speak up. This included validating her emotions, and importantly, re educating her inner child. Amongst other things, this included re-educating the inner child so she knew that:
- It was safe to say No ( Laura would not take her love away nor punish her)
- She had the right to say how she felt and it was encouraged
- She was not going to get into trouble nor be punished if she spoke up.
The process only involved two inner child therapy sessions. Once Laura’s inner child felt comfortable to speak up, then so did the adult! No struggle involved, just an inner knowing that she had the right to say No and be heard. No feeling uncomfortable, no forcing herself to become assertive.
Examples of Inner Child Healing 2
Amanda came to see me with negative belief of feeling unlovable. Her father had walked out on her as a child.
In our Inner Child Coaching sessions, we discovered that Amanda’s inner child has decided to ‘ make this mean’ that she was not good enough to be loved. Even if someone did get close to her, she fully expected them to abandon her. She just didn’t feel that she was good enough for anyone to love her.
In working with Amanda’s inner child, we were able to update this old distorted belief. This included Amanda becoming the ‘ big sister’ of her inner child. In this sister role, she was able to show her inner child how loved she was. In using the Validate, Educate and Play process, we were also able to update her wounded inner child’s belief about her Father leaving. This included explaining that the child was not at fault, and this act did not make her unlovable.
Northamptonshire Based International Life Coach and Guest Speaker.
Formally based in Sydney, Australia, Lisa Phillips is an award winning Inner Child Coach and Confidence expert. Lisa is the author of ‘ The Confidence Coach’ book and works with clients around the globe. Lisa has over 23 years international experience.
Her work as a Life Coach appears regularly in the media. Lisa is also the Confidence expert on The Love Destination TV.
Why not contact Lisa for a no-obligation chat today?