Whether it is at home, at work or even in the supermarket, we all have to cope with angry people on occasion!
In this weeks Amazing Coaching blog , I will share with you some of my insights on why people feel angry and what you can do to cope with angry people.
My Personal Experience.
I had an interesting experience several months ago. I had been asked to run a training session for a group of people who, for various reasons, had not been in employment for many years.
I really enjoy training and always get fabulous feedback – However, not on this occasion! Being an expert Confidence Coach, I started the training discussion the importance of feeling good about yourself . I also discussed the importance of confidence and believing in yourself. However, this information did not sit comfortably with the attendees. They got extremely irritated directing their anger directly at myself. I admit, that I found this a little confronting!
However, having over 20 years experience as a accredited trainer, I focussed upon what I needed to do in order to cope with the group of very angry people! To be honest, it would have been really easy for myself to take it all personally ( ok, I did for a short while!) and allow their angry words to negatively effect my emotional wellbeing.
Why do we feel Angry?
Anger is a natural emotion. It is normal for us to feel anger. However, when our anger literally explodes on us or we experience an amygdala hijack, it is often a result of our old wounds and negative beliefs being triggered. It is one these occasions that you may find yourself saying things that you don’t necessary mean!
When we explode into anger, it often means that one of our ‘ hot buttons‘ has been triggered.
Imagine you have just had a really bad day. You woke up tired and are feeling a little bit taken for granted. It could be that you feel people are taking advantage of you or you are tired of taking responsibility for other people. While you continue to feel annoyed, the phone rings. You were supposed to go to a movie tonight with a friend but she has just cancelled on you. You end up getting angry, both at your friend, and towards yourself. You know she has a good reason to cancel but you are still annoyed with her. You end up slamming the phone down in anger.
The truth is…….
You anger has little to do with your friend cancelling your plans. The fact is, your hot buttons have been triggered because you need some time for yourself. You probably feel resentful of the amount of responsibility in your life and just need some time out. Your friend cancelling on your has left you feeling unappreciated and as a result, you take your anger out on her.
When we lose it, get angry or feel rage, it often has very little to do with the person we are directing our anger towards. Often it is more related to our own personal hot buttons have been triggered. If your friend had cancelled on you on a day you were feeling happy and energised, you probably just would have accepted it with a smile.
Therefore, when ever people around you get angry, or take their anger out on you – the chances are that it has very little to do with you. It is their own hot buttons that have been triggered.
How to cope with Angry People.
- The best way to cope with angry people is to remember, their anger has come from their own personal hot buttons – and has very little to do with you. You may have just triggered an old wound, negative belief or a feeling they are having about themselves.
- Don’t take it personally – it really is more about them than you!
- Try not to react. If you get angry as well, you will just make the situation worse! Make sure you feel safe and just step away or listen compassionately.
- Ask the other person to calm down or you will not continue to engage with them
- Remember – that sadly many angry people have a victim mentality. They perpetually feel the world owes them something and other people must fulfil their preferences or needs. Recognise this and don’t take it on!
- Always keep your own safety in mind and remove yourself from anyone who continues to verbally abuse you or make you responsible for their anger.
Award Winning Life Coach and Guest Speaker
Formally based in Sydney, Australia, Lisa Phillips is an award winning International Life Coach who will help you find your authentic self. Using her leading edge techniques, Lisa will have you feeling satisfied, content and back to who you really are. She is a specialist in areas such as Confidence, Self Esteem, negative programming and manifesting what you want. Lisa Phillips is also the author of ‘ The Confidence Coach’.
Now based in Corby, Northants, Lisa works with clients face to face or also provides online Life Coaching and Skype Life Coaching. She also offers a wide range of Group Life Coaching courses and masterclasses via Zoom.
Please check out what her Life Coaching clients say about her Coaching Sessions in her Life Coaching Testimonials.
Check out some of Lisa’s FREE courses.