In my 20 years working as a Life Coach, I don’t think I have ever met anyone who wasn’t still beating themselves up about something that may have happened years ago! ( or even decades ago!) It may have only been a fleeting experience which lasted less than 60 seconds but we are still feeling regret about it or giving ourselves a hard time.
The gift of self-forgiveness
For this weeks Amazing Coaching blog, I would like to share with you the gift of self-forgiveness and share my tips on how to forgive yourself. It doesn’t matter what you may believe you have done in the past, the universe always forgives you. Forgiving yourself is really about choosing to give yourself a break and set yourself free from guilt.
Do you believe you deserve to forgive yourself? Do you find it easier to forgive others rather than yourself? Are you still beating yourself up about something you feel you should have done differently years ago? Many of us are willing to forgive others for hurting us, but we are not willing to spend the time forgiving ourselves.
When we think about people in our lives that we have forgiven, there is a good chance that we also may need to forgive ourselves for what we believe was our role in the situation. For example, you may be ready for forgive your partner for treating you badly or being cruel, but are you ready to forgive yourself for allowing someone to walk all over you or for not standing in your power?
You have the right to Forgive Yourself.
Most of us beat ourselves up for doing something which we later on regret. We often speak to ourselves cruelly or with little compassion.
In fact, we are more likely to have more compassion with our friends than we are about ourselves. Let’s get honest here; if we spoke to our friends like we speak to ourselves I am sure we wouldn’t have many friends sticking around! Seriously, we all mess up at some time and it really doesn’t help beating yourself up in your mind or feeling guilty.
Have you ever cheated on your partner? Shouted at a child? Steal something? Go off the wagon? The list of potential misdeeds we hold against ourselves are endless! When we choose to continue to punish ourselves rather than forgiving yourself you are choosing to live a life of resentment towards yourself. This will literally eat away at you.
No one is perfect
Remember, we are not perfect and we are only human. We are always going to make mistakes. Always remind yourself that in every situation, we are only doing the best that we can with the knowledge we have.
The fact that we are human means that we will make mistakes. Unfortunately, life didn’t come with an instruction manual. When we make an error of judgement or a mistake, the best thing to do is just take the time to correct it, make amends if possible and learn from it. Then let it go. It really doesn’t help spending months (or even years!) beating yourself up about it or wishing things were different in some way. Let it go!
When you learn to forgive yourself, your body and mind will also thank you for it and you feel a new sense of freedom. You will learn how to accept yourself and stop beating yourself up for being human.
Try this great Self Forgiveness exercise:
- Write down an event or situation that you would like to forgive yourself for.
• Write down the reasons that this situation happened. Think back, where you doing the best that you could at the time considering what was happening in your life?
• Look at the different ways that this lack of forgiveness manifests in your life. Do you feel bitterness or resentment towards yourself? Do you beat yourself up for it? Write down as much as you can.
• Recognise that the past is over and you cannot change it.
• Feel the emotion of forgiveness in your heart and allow this to spread throughout your body.
Life Coaching with Lisa Phillips
Based in the Northamptonshire area, Lisa Phillips provides Life Coaching sessions via Skype, telephone and face to face in her office in Corby. Previously based in Sydney, Australia, Lisa has over 20 years experience. She is also the author of The Confidence Coach book. Lisa’s leading edge work as a leading Life Coach and Confidence expert is regularly featured n the media. She is the current Life Coaching expert on The Love Destination TV.
Why not contact Lisa today for a no-obligation chat about how she can help you?
Read what Lisa’s Life Coaching clients say about her here.