In this weeks Amazing Coaching’s blog, I will share with you my tips on ‘ How to Stop Feeling Guilty’
It is human nature to sometimes feel guilty about our past mistakes. However, does feeling guilty really solve anything? Does it actually make things better? Does it actually feel good?
Why we Feel Guilty
We often feel guilty when we believe we have done something, or said something which we believe is wrong. It could be we feel we have acted against our own moral compass. A little bit of guilt is ok, but if it becomes all consuming or a reason to beat yourself up then it can really have a negative impact on your sense of self. It is also very unnecessary! Even if we do make a mistake, the right action is to correct our mistake, not continue to punish ourselves for it!
We Blame Ourselves – then Feel Guilty
One of the common reasons that people feel guilt, is that we blame ourselves for doing something which we perceive may have upset someone or hurt someone. We could also experience guilt if we feel we have let someone down. However, this is a false premise. The truth is, sometimes we do actually have to let someone down or upset someone. Sometimes boundaries need to be set , we have to turn down other peoples request or say NO to a friend, relative or our boss! It is called Self Respect and Self Care.
Why do we experience Feelings of Guilt.
Sarah was a client of mine who came to see me as she wanted to learn how to Stop feeling guilty. These painful guilty feelings consumed her when ever she refused her daughters requests to look after her grandchildren.
Sarah explained that the reason she could not look after her grandchildren as much was that she had been feeling very exhausted recently and also, had recently started a Book club. The truth is, Sarah just needed some time to herself to rest and practice some self care.
I explained to Sarah that she was the only person who was making herself feel guilty. She was making herself FEEL guilty as deep down she thought she SHOULD be able to look after her Grandchildren on a more regular basis. If she wanted to stop feeling guilty then she needed to realise that her own self care was a priority and she had every right to look after her self first. The truth is, being assertive and saying No to someone, really means you are saying Yes to yourself and your own self care!
When ever we learn to be assertive or change a behaviour, we may end up feeling guilty and worried if we have done the right thing. I call this the ‘ period of uncomfortable‘. This is when we often wish we had just agreed to someone’s request or in Sarah case, just gave in and looked after her Grandchildren instead of taking care of her own needs.
If you find yourself feeling uncomfortable after saying No, leaving work early or being more assertive, then don’t let the guilt trick you into going back and giving in. Learn to recognise ‘ the uncomfortable’ and sit through it. It will pass and after all, the uncomfortable is indicating to you that you are changing a bad habit into something more positive.
Would you like to learn how to Stop Feeling guilty? Contact Lisa Phillips for a no obligation chat!
Lisa has over 20 years experience assisting people to let go of negative emotions and boost their confidence and self esteem. She is a fully qualified Life Coach and Career / Workplace Coach. Lisa is also the author of ‘ The Confidence Coach‘ book and a popular Guest Speaker. Please read what Lisa’s clients have to say about her coaching here.
Why not Contact Life Coach Lisa Phillips Today for a more happier, confident and contented YOU!