Are you always looking for other people to give you love or approval?

Are you are a people pleaser, doormat, a person who avoids conflict or someone who likes to be seen as a ‘ nice person’ all the time?  If so, you are probably unconsciously  seeking love and approval from other people!

Why do we seek love and approval from others?

As a child, one of our key needs is to feel loved and approved of.   For children,  our need for Love and approval is like a drug.  We need it to feel loveable, wanted, good enough, acknowledged and cared for.   It is a very basic and very important need.  It shapes how we feel about ourselves and how we expect other people to treat us.
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However,  many of us didn’t have these important needs met from our parents or guardians.   We don’t blame our parents for this – I am sure they were doing their best.

However, if we don’t get sufficient amounts of love and approval,  it creates a painful wound or void inside of us.  We feel as if there is somthing wrong with us, we are broken in some way and may feel unloved and misunderstood.

This will carry on into Adulthood.

If this wound or void is not healed, we will continue throughout our lives to seek love and approval from other people.    This can lead to:

  1. People Pleasing
  2. Always seeking positive feedback and approval from other people
  3. Going out of our way to be seen as a ‘ nice person’
  4. Avoiding being assertive and swallowing how you really feel
  5.  Putting other peoples happiness before your own.

Seeking Love and Approval from Others is like a Drug.

As adults, this can become like an addiction.  We will unconsciously be looking for someone, anyone to give us our illusive fix of Love and approval.     When we get it – we feel goodHowever, when we don’t get it,  all our childhood wounds rise to the surface and we don’t feel good about ourselves. We feel bad. 

We will literally do anything to get our ‘ fix’ of love and approval from other people.   When we receive it, we experience positive emotions.   However, these will only last for a short time – it is almost like we have put a sticky plaster over our early wounds.    When the positive emotions subside, we will just continue to seek another fix from outside of ourselves.  And so the cycle continues throughout our lives.

Giving Yourself what you need.

To change this behaviour,  it is about firstly giving up the need to get your ‘ fix’ from other people.    It is not your friends, your boss or your partners responsibility to fill this void.  However, for many people, this can feel really scary!

In order to heal, you must give YOURSELF the love and approval that you are seeking from other people.  When you do this,  you heal yourself from the inside out.    When you love and approve of yourself, you will stop seeking it from other people.

If you would like to know more about how to approve and love yourself from the inside out,  why not contact me for an email for a no-obligation chat?   This is something I can easily assist you with  and I promise, you will feel so much better!

Award Winning TV Coaching Expert

Lisa Phillips is a Leading Life Coach who works in the Northamptonshire, Leicestershire, Peterborough and London areas.   Lisa also provides Life Coaching and Confidence Coaching via Skype.

Her work has appeared extensively in the media and she is also the expert Confidence Coach on The Love Destination.

Contact Lisa today for a no-obligation chat.