I recently had the pleasure of being interviewed by Emma Clayton for her ‘ Female Leaders with Courage’ podcast.
The Female Leaders with Courage is a podcast for women who are looking for a community of like minded women, who want to overcome boundaries, slay their limiting beliefs and fears in order to activate their ambitions.
My specialised topic – Stop People Pleasing! You can listen to the Podcast here.
Common Traits of a People Pleaser
- People pleasers always want to be seen as a ‘ Nice Person’ . They are super focussed on ‘ What other people think of them’ and always keen to make the right impression.
- A people-pleaser tries their hardest to keep everyone around them happy . They tend to focus far more on other peoples happiness than their own — often at their own expense. They turn themselves inside out in order to please other people.
- They usually end up saying yes when they really want to say no – but often feel resentful afterwards.
- A people pleaser will find it easier to go along with what other people want than what they want. They find it hard to voice their opinion and real feelings
- Often have weak boundaries and as a result, may be treated like a doormat.
Where do People Pleasing Habits come from?
As a child, we crave love and approval. This is a perfectly normal human need. However, if we don’t get sufficient amounts, we continue to seek our ‘ fix’ even as an adult.
People pleasing my also come from a deep need to keep others happy in order to avoid conflict / anger – especially true if were taught from an early age never to upset anyone else. As a result we may believe it our responsibility to keep other people happy at all cost.
We may also feel we have to earn love from other people. As a result, we become rescuers and caretakers
Stop People Pleasing
Here are my 5 Top Tips to Stop People Pleasing:
1.Start approving of your self on the inside –rather than seeking it from others on the outside.
2.Notice when feel resentful or wish you had done or said something different
3.Learn to say No in a way that feels OK to you. For example:
I would like to help you right now but it’s not possible
Thanks but that doesn’t interest me, I will pass on this one
I can help with this but it will mean I have to move other deadlines.
I will think about it and get back to you.
4.Accept that you may feel guilty when you say no to something the first few times or begin ditch the disease to please.
5.Make peace with the fact that not everyone is going to like you—and actually, that’s okay. Own and acknowledge that you are already likeable. Put a sticky note on your mirror that reminds you how wonderful you are and give up the need for other people to like you.
Northamptonshire Life Coach
With over 22 years experience, Lisa is also a trained counsellor ( Australia) and the author of the book ‘ The Confidence Coach’. Her work appears extensively in the media and she is also a law of attraction coach, Inner Child Coach, Confidence Expert and Career Coach.
Lisa works with people from her home office in Corby and worldwide using Skype / Zoom. Lisa also offers Group Coaching sessions online.