Real Inner Confidence?

Real Inner Confidence?

 Inner confidence?

As a Northamptonshire Life and Confidence Coach with over 17 years’ experience, this is a question I am asked frequently by my Life Coaching clients!  Unfortunately, many of us are under the impression that real inner confidence is about being an extrovert, the life and soul of the party or that person that always seems comfortable being assertive, regardless of the circumstances.

However, for me, real inner confidence is finding your own personal confidence preferences and it can mean different things to different people.  Granted, for some people it is about being a confident public speaker or feeling comfortable to speak up at work.  However, for many of us, real confidence is about learning to say no to other people’s requests (such as the boss asking you to work late) backing yourself when you feel fearful, encouraging yourself to honour your own important needs in life and being ok with turning down requests to do things for other people. (Note and not feeling guilty about it either!)

The fact is that real confidence comes from the inside out. It is not about being aggressive or a bully. It is a belief in your own abilities and a trust in yourself. It is also knowing that you are an ‘OK’ person and knowing that you have the right to be yourself – even if other people don’t approve!  When I am speaking at wellness conferences or events, I often liken real confidence to being like a rock inside of you. That rock remains steady, grounded and stable regardless of the situation you are faced with.

A huge part of being a confident person is caring enough about your own wellbeing and emotions. You see when you really care about feeling good, you will make better choices and decisions which in turn, will boost your inner confidence.

The good news is that it doesn’t matter how long someone may have been struggling with confidence, each and every one of us can learn to build up a strong confidence muscle. It is more about encouraging and soothing your fears, than pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. It is about owning your power and tuning into your own confidence preferences rather than following societies expectations of what makes a confident person.

It’s is about being authentic to yourself. Now that is confidence!

With over 17 years’ experience, Lisa Phillips is a Life Coach and Confidence Coach currently based in Northamptonshire, UK.   She is the author of ‘ The Confidence Coach’ (Exile Publishing) and a popular motivational and wellness Speaker and Trainer.  For more information, please see or


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