Each one of us has our own inner child. It is the wonderful, childlike and creative part of you. It is the part of you that likes to have fun and be playful.
However, it is also the hurt, confused and traumatised part of us. As an adult, we may ‘ rationalise’ our hurts and misunderstandings we experienced in childhood. However, our inner child remembers them as if they happened yesterday. As a child, these experiences may have happened when the ‘ rational’ part of our brain was not fully developed. Therefore, our little inner child is unable to have the ‘ grown up’ point of view of an adult.
Childhood Needs
As a child, we need to feel safe, loved, receive approval from our caregivers and accepted. If we don’t get these important emotional needs met as a child, our ‘ inner child’ will continue to try and get these needs met into adulthood. As a result, as an adult we may feel like we are unloved, unsafe or turn into a people pleaser trying to be approved off and accepted. Believe me, our child is always in charge!
As an adult, do you feel unworthy, abandoned, rejected or not seen or heard? Then this is your inner child replaying their unmet childhood needs. Are you always looking for validation from other people? This is your little child seeking validation.
Adulthood
As an Adult, you may have wondered why you feel this way, sought out therapy or even medication to help you feel better. However, most therapies only assist the Adult. REAL healing takes place when we heal from the inside out – from the child.
Many of us grew up in families where some important needs were taken care off. e.g. Financial needs or physical needs. However, it is often our emotional needs that may have not have been fully met. ( Despite what you may think as an adult!) Remember, your inner child may have a different point of view than the grown up adult.
Your inner child is hurting.
Our inside child is often in pain, hurting and may feel unsafe in the world. They still feel so much pain
and hurt. They still believe everything they heard about themselves (or didn’t hear) to be 100% true. Our inner child is still running on outdated programming and false premises.
The truth is, each and every one of us are kids in big adult bodies, with the emotional and cognitive
ability of a child. In turn, this translates into poor decision making and repeating negative patterns.
As adults, we have no idea that we have inner children and they’re the ones running our adult life.
They’re making decisions based upon old hurts and coping mechanisms
Healing Your Inner Child.
Who is your inner child? Do you pay attention to them? Listen to them? Or have you pushed them down and refuse to connect or hear what they have to say to you?
The first part of healing is to start to get to know them. This involved gently connecting with them on a daily basis, often introducing yourself for the first time. Once your inner child learns to trust you, then you can start to re-educate them, bringing in some adult wisdom.
I use a three step process for this with my Life Coaching clients:
V – Validate. Validate their Feelings. Do they feel scared? Tell them you understand. Do they feel unloved, not important or unworthy? Tell them you are sorry that they feel like this. Do not try to change your inner child’s mind – it is important to just listen and validate what ever feelings come to the surface.
E – Educate – This is where we bring in the adult wisdom. It is where we can ‘ re-educate’ our child with updated coping mechanisms. For example, if your inner child feels that it is scary to upset people, you can re-educate her that you will keep her safe. You can also re-educate your little one that they are allowed to speak up and be assertive.
P – Play – Too many of us grew up too quick and as a result, became ‘ adults’ when we should have just been children having lots of fun. We can encourage our inner child to go and play and not interfere with adult stuff!
In healing your inner child, you change your life. It is a gentle, yet transformational process where change takes place from the inside out.
Lisa Phillips, Inner Child Coaching
With over 22 years professional experience, Lisa Phillips is an award winning Life Coach and Confidence Coach. Lisa uses Inner Child Coaching and root cause therapy in her Life Coaching sessions.
Lisa is also the author of ‘ The Confidence Coach’ book and her work is featured regularly in the media.
Why not check out her Life Coaching testimonials?
Lisa is based in Northamptonshire but also provides online coaching sessions and Zoom coaching sessions.
Contact Lisa Phillips today for a no-obligation chat.
