As a child, we have very important emotional needs. These needs include a secure attachment, security, feeling loved, wanted, important, listened to, cherished and receiving acceptance and approval. These needs are in addition to our physical and financial needs.
Sadly, if these needs are met, they become your unmet needs. This is useful article by The Therapy Group of NYC.
What are your Unmet Needs?
If for any reason, these important needs are not met adequately by our parents, caregivers or even a supportive adult, we may continue as an adult to chase the fulfilment of these needs. Alternatively, we may just believe that our needs are not responded to by other people and ‘ give up‘ on ever getting them met.
Many of our interpersonal problems, come from unmet emotional needs, In my work as a Life Coach and Counsellor I work with my clients to help them identify what their needs are, and learn how to get these unmet needs met in a healthy way.
We chase ‘ filling’ these unmet needs.
Lets say as a child you never approval from your caregivers. This would become your unmet need. As an adult, you may become a people pleaser, seeking that illusive tick of approval from other people. In this simple case, you are simply trying to fulfil your unmet need of being approved of. This can almost become like a compulsion or addiction as we chase approval in our career, relationships and friendships.
However, even if you do receive that brief approval from others – it is only short lived. It is just like putting a sticky plaster over a wound. Underneath, you still feel that nobody really approves of you.
Inner Child Therapy
Inner child therapy is really effective in healing unmet needs. This involves creating a safe connection with your inner child and explaining to them that it is not their fault that they feel nobody approves of them. It involves re-parenting your inner child so she feels that you approve of him / her. This doesn’t take long and is extremely effective. When your inner child feels approval, you as the adult will feel approval.
Healing your unmet needs can have a huge impact on your mental health and happiness. Why not contact Northants Life Coach Lisa Phillips today for a no-obligation chat on how she can assist you to feel so much better!
Lisa has over 22 years experience and is an award winning Life Coach and Confidence expert. She is also the author of ‘ The Confidence Coach’. All Coaching sessions can take place face to face in Northamptonshire. Online and Zoom Life Coaching sessions are also available.